I’ve been at this work-from-home microbusiness thing for a few years now, chasing a dream of independence from way back.
When I started, my goal was to have my own business and keep pace with (and maybe exceed) what my parents earned at my age. I didn’t know how I was going to do all that, but I remember thinking (immodestly, but honestly):
“I’m smart, I’m tech-savvy, I’ve got a degree and a half. I have skills. People do far more with far less. How hard can it be?”
Colossally. Flawed. Thinking.
Being smart is so not a pre-requisite for accumulating wealth with a wee business. I bet we can all think of at least two dim bulbs who are up to their asses in cash.
Being tech-savvy is handy, but also not a requirement. All kinds of folks are eager to take care of your tech, and there are affordable tools besides.
My college education is (almost) useless. I learned a lot from my coursework, and I use some piece of it every day. But the papers in the frames are just paper now.
In the go-to-work world I could (and did) leverage my degrees for higher salary, better roles, and more interesting work. But out here in the wild, no one gives a shit.
Out here, results matter. Track records matter. Relationships matter. Follow-through, endurance, and bodaciousness matter.
So when I look at the tools and skills I stepped off the dock with, I see a whole lot of nothing. Diddle ÷ Squat.
Because when I look around at people I admire and their various flavors of success, they all have a lot of one thing that I have very little of.
Their common thread, their go-to tool in the toolbox (and maybe the only tool we actually need) is: Confidence.
And best that I can tell, it’s 50/50 on whether their confidence came from their achievements, or their success was the inevitable outcome of their confidence.
Me? I don’t have it. My education didn’t give it to me. Neither did my upbringing, my experiences, genetics, or even time. I’m 40 after all…I think if I could somehow age into confidence that I’d have it by now?
And it’s not like I can buy it or borrow or steal it. It’s not on special in Aisle 3, right?
So with brains, tech, and degrees in hand, I’ve essentially brought knives to a gun fight. Well, ok…I have guns…but I don’t have the confidence to draw ‘em when I need ‘em. And what are my gifts and skills worth if I can’t gather enough grit to bring them out and use them?
So here’s what I’ve come to: I don’t believe that I can build confidence for my dreamcatching. I think my dreamchasing is going to build my confidence.
At least I sure as hell hope so, because I’m moving forward with or without it.
In the meantime, I’ll just supplement my meager, fleeting confidence with genuine, Grade A, hard-headed cussedness. I’ve always had bottomless buckets of that.
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Et tu? Which do you think comes first: confidence or success? Lemme know down below…
