Not-so-newly retired, my Grandma visited her doctor because she was so danged tired all the time. He asked, “Well, Iris, what have you been doing with yourself since you stopped working? What are your hobbies?”
He got a blank stare as reply.
She didn’t have any hobbies. She belonged to a ladies’ club that met each month, but her days and nights had been full of work and raising her kids since she was 18 years old.
Though by this time her kids had grown up, moved out, and were busy with their own kids. My grandfather was still working, she was home alone and idle for the first time in her life. And it was driving her fucking crazy.
Her doctor could have drugged her into perkiness, but he was from the New Old Skool. Here’s what he told her to do—
1. Read the newspaper every day
The goal—as I understand it—is to connect with the world outside of our world and observe it as an unfolding suspense story. The world news is a serial full of delights and horrors that never ends…though (unfortunately or fortunately) it does repeat itself from time to time.
For my grandmother, it was (and still is) the newspaper. The Washington Post, cover to cover, every day.
For me, it’s Twitter. First thing in the morning, I turn off my alarm and turn on Tweetie. I get to observe and participate with the world’s conversations…and there’s always inspiration or a giggle waiting to make (or save) my day.
Like @HappiForever‘s morning greetings to Dharma, Buddha, and Sangha. Like @charitywater‘s Photo of the Day. Like Kellyann‘s kid wanting to take an apple to a doctor’s appointment…to keep the doctor away :)
2. Have a series of 3-month projects
Otherwise, why get up today? Or tomorrow?…Or ever?
That may seem extreme if you’ve never been depressed, but apathy can be a fatal hazard for some of us. I don’t know why the doctor was keen on 3 months, but I suspect that span is ideal because it’s: 1) short enough that the end of the project stays in sight, and 2) we can celebrate 4 completed projects each year.
For grandma, that’s crafty things, decorating, photography, and helping out with town projects and elections.
I tried building websites for this, but that was a mistake. My projects requires maintenance beyond the 3 month deadline, and I’ve realized finishing is a key component. Now I’m thinking on projects where I can hold the results in my hand…maybe knitting or quilting.
3. Have a BIG project you’ll never finish. Ever.
We can’t take anything with us, so we may as well leave behind one big thing for others to savor and learn from. Maybe someone else will pick up where we left off and finish it—or not finish it and pass it along at the end of their time.
The best example I know is Alec Gerrard, who is building an incredible scale model of Herod’s Temple. He’s been working on it for 30 years and says he’ll never be done.
Grandma’s lifetime project has been our genealogy. She’s tracked our family back to the late 1700′s, shifting from pencil and paper to Ancestry.com, from library stacks to online census data. She’ll never get the whole story, but she’s determined to die trying.
I don’t have a project like this yet…it’s all I can do to sort through the 20 years of clutter I’ve been carting around since I left home (a seasonal project that feels like it will take a lifetime!). But I’ve been thinking I would love a big project around language and travel and reading and wine and food. Hmmm…
What about you?
The doctor’s 3-part prescription is simple to sum up: Stay occupied outside of your occupation. And like many simple things, there’s richness between the lines…
There’s establishing a simple routine that becomes ritual. And staying busy without doing busywork, and enjoying both goals and process. And making the best out of the time in between our now and our nevermore. And living forever through our work.
Reading back over that, I guess it’s really all about getting a life. Or saving one.
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Of course, I’d love to hear about what you’re working on today, this season, and for always. Let me know, eh?
