I love my GF Lisa. I do.
But.
She does tend to dodge what’ll bring much-wanted change to her life and then complain about the rotten state of things. I sympathize and encourage, but she’s steadfast in her mission to live a dissatisfying life and beef about it.
And BOY did she meet her match last week…
So.
(Like most of us) Lisa spends a lot of time at her computer and (like many of us) she has an opposite-of-ergonomic workstation arrangement. Which means (like some of us) she’s now met Tommy Tendonitis. Ew.
Her specialist, Freida, is awesome. She prescribed arm braces and pain-relievers and also daily exercises, herbal remedies, dire warnings about overwork, and suggestions for a friendlier workspace. She’s big on permanent, pill-free, pain-free solutions.
So when Freida The Magnificent bumped into Lisa at the mall, of course she asked how her arms were feeling. And since they still hurt like hell, Lisa said, “They still hurt like hell.”
Concerned, Freida asked, “Are you wearing the arm braces at night?”
Lisa—who stalls out on the road to change, remember—hadn’t worn the arm braces at all, and said so.
Freida shot back, “So. How’s that working out for ya?”
Now. Maybe I should’ve felt bad that my girl got a verbal head-smack from Freida Ray Leonard, but I was too busy laughing to commiserate. And heaven help me, the story continued—
Lisa (tentative): “How’s that working out for me? Um….it’s not?”
Freida (matter-of-fact): “Ah. Okay. How about the exercises. Are you doing those daily?”
Lisa (uncomfortable): “Um….no?”
Freida: “Are you doing them at all?”
Lisa (really uncomfortable): “Um…no?”
Freida: “So. How’s that working out for ya?”
Lisa (speechless): “…”
Because of course, doing nothing wasn’t working out for her. At all. Which was why her situation hadn’t changed. At all.
Freida The Inquisitor went on like that for wayyyy longer than Lisa was happy with. She asked about herbal soaks and working less and taking rests and taking meds. Lisa was doing little to solve her problem and each time they reached a healing step she’d ignored, Frieda asked…
How’s That Working Out For Ya?
Which is, like, the complete opposite of what a shrink asks. A shrinks asks, “So. How do you feel about that?”, leading to a 50-minute convo about emotion and motivation and family history and whatnot. Good stuff.
But.
There’s a time when it’s just the wrong fucking question.
Sometimes we need a question that doesn’t give a damn about our feelings and their backstory. We need something that gives zero quarter to our perennial whining and our perpetual bullshit and throws us directly under the Bus Of Binary Answers.
This is that question.
So. How’s that working out for ya?
There are lots of responses, right?
Things are GREAT. Oh, it totally SUCKS. It’s not working AT ALL. Better than I ever expected. Fuck if I know. Stop asking me that!
Lots of responses that boil down to just two answers:
Either what you’re doing is working for ya or it’s not.
And once you admit what you’re doing isn’t working, there’s not alotta room for continuing to do it.
So.
I am wearing the question out. And day by day, change is happening. Here’s a typical talk—
Me (whining): “OMG. I am so tired of working in the evenings when I could be playing XBox with Dan. I totally resent his flagrant carefree idleness. Asshole. Harrumph.”
Moi (matter-of-fact): “Do you get up when he leaves in the morning and work while he’s at work?”
Me (uncomfortable): “Ummm…No?”
Moi: “So. How’s that working out for ya?”
Me: “It’s not. B-b-b-but I’m so tired in the mornings.”
Moi: “I thought the low-sugar low-carb caveman diet thing was helping with that?”
Me: “Welllll, I ate chocolate every day last week. And had french fries a couple of nights. With Cokes.”
Moi: “So. How’s that working out for ya?”
Me (sighing): “It’s not.”
See what I mean? No room for poo-poo. Plenty of room for improvement :)
So.
If you’re not getting what you want from what you’re doing (or not doing), maybe it’s time to start asking questions.
Or, really, you can ask just one question—
How’s That Working Out For YOU?
(Psst. For best results: Ask it early. Ask it often.)
Peace and progress,
