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Every once in a while, someone asks me:
If you’re so smart, why aren’t you rich?
My gut says the question is about doubting my intelligence—or their own—and isn’t really a question about money. I never have the nerve to sass back with a: “How do you know that I’m not?” Instead, I shrug with a: “Guess I’m not smart about money,” and that satisfies them.
But it doesn’t satisfy me.
So the Asker walks away with a sensible answer to their asshole question, but I continue to ask myself….
If I’m so smart, why aren’t I rich?
Well, for one thing (I tell myself) what’s with the presumption that being rich is a natural consequence of being smart? I’ve met smart people with little money and rich people as dense as a brick. So I don’t see this direct correlation between intelligence and wealth.
Which satisfies my logic, but for days afterward my psyche rides waves of defensiveness and anxiety:
What is ‘rich’ anyway? What does it even mean?
Why would I want to be rich?
But…why aren’t I rich?
Maybe I’m not as smart as They say I am?
What am I missing?
What am I doing wrong?
Could I be rich?
Should I be rich?
What is ‘rich’ anyway? What does it even mean?
‘Round and ’round…cyclic waves of defense and doubt crashing in my head.
And then I found the answers (there are two). And smart has nothing to do with it.
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1. I’m not rich because I’ve been scared of money
Please note the semi-past tense. I’m mostly done being scared, but I’m still not rich in money. Am I rich in friends, love, and ideas? Yes! In money? Not so much…
How I discovered my fear of *having* money
I listened to Dolf de Roos, a real estate guy, who suggests we carry a bundle of cash at all times. Like, $1,000 in our wallet. Not to spend, just to have and hold. He says we should do that…and if we don’t or won’t do that, why not?
Interestingly, our reason for not carrying around a chunk of cash can be the reason we don’t have as much money as we’d like. For me, I don’t carry it around because I’m afraid I’ll lose it, or someone will take it from me. Which is telling, yes?
How I discovered my fear of *receiving* money
Far more telling was the very first Heart of Money exercise, where we visualized money in whatever form and imagined it coming uncomfortably close to our heart.
I stood in my kitchen—I was listening to the MP3 while cleaning up—and did just that. I grounded myself with some deep breathing and imagined a stack of bills easing its way to my chest…
…and I stepped back and put my hands up to keep it away.
I didn’t do this in my imagination, I physically did this. And I didn’t do it in a lighthearted thanks-but-no-thanks kind of way. I put one foot back in a pseudo-combat stance with palms out to defend myself. Seriously.
Which was a powerful lesson. More powerful than any person, class, or life experience had taught me. I learned plenty more lessons in Heart of Money, but that’s another post.
So I’m aware of and resolving my fear of having and receiving money. The other answer is…
2. And because I’ve been driven by emotion, not logic
I recently listened to a teleseminar where the speaker spoke about emotions and money. How shopping feels good, but if we don’t need things, then we’re spending money for a feeling we can have for free. In the moment, there’s no logic to our actions or decisions, just feeling.
That sounds right. And it explains why I’m fat, too. Spending money feels good. Eating a slice of cake feels even better. Comparatively, saving money feels meh. Eating a salad is more meh.
Spending and snacking feels good now, but not so good later. Saving and eating well feels meh now, but feels awesome later.
My mind makes great plans and my heart has great intention, but in the decision-making moments I’ve been choosing to feel good now and not giving a flying flip about how I’ll feel later.
So.
I’m working on this one action and decision at a time. And it helps to remove all the content and just look at the container.
It’s all about short-sightedness versus the long view. And the ancient tug-of-war between what we feel and want versus what we think and know.
It’s that simple.
Et tu?
Are your actions driven by what you know is good for the long run or what feels good right the hell now? In the decision-making moment, are you thinking or feeling?
And what do you know to do that you don’t do because you just don’t friggin’ feel like it? And how is that hurting you, both now and later?
Some things to chew on.
(and if you’re up for it, share your thoughts in the comments)
Photo credit: Neubie
