On Saying No

So I’m not very good at saying No. In fact, I have a thing about it. And I’ll tell ya—

Not saying No soon enough, often enough, or loud enough
will get you into trouble
.

Not Saying No Soon Enough

Have I told you about the time I was on a mountain in Crete with a drunken, doped up olive farmer and his pit bull?

Probably not.

It’s not important why I was in this tiny Greek resort town. What’s important is that I met a young olive farmer (who also worked for my hotel) who was eager to share his culture, teach me his language, act as my tour guide to the *real* Crete, yadda yadda yadda.

So when he invited me to his mountain village for dinner with his mother, I was totally up for it. I mean, he worked for the hotel so he was safe, right? And isn’t this the hospitality my Lonely Planet guidebook promised?

Not. Really.

When we met in the lobby, he asked if I could drive as his truck was way low on gas and the station was closed. This wasn’t a problem because I intended on driving anyway. I had a rental and knew better than to let a stranger drive me anywhere, hospitality or not.

And my being the cautious sort, I should have said No to the night out when he broke out his hashish before he even put on his seatbelt.

I’d never seen a bigger red flag. I should have kicked him out of my car, gone back into the hotel, reported him to the resort staff, and considered myself lucky to have dodged that particular bullet.

But I didn’t do any of that, because I didn’t want to be impolite.

Yeah. I know.

Not Saying No Often Enough

When he offered me some of his dope—please remember that I’m driving (though he apparently forgot)—I knew how to Just Say No to that. I’m a child of the 80′s, after all.

But there were plenty of unexpected and unpracticed No Moments on the way. I saw them come, but let them slip on by as I hoped and waited for things to get better. Like—

• When we needed to drop by his house first,
• When I met his beautiful pit bull who stayed by my side the rest of the night,
• When he nonchalantly unearthed more hash from the hem of his dining room tablecloth while we chatted over his family photo album,
• When we went to dinner and the (literal) Village People consisted of 3 wildly bearded behemoths with rotten teeth in filthy clothes who silently stared me inside the cafe,
• When his mother (the cafe cook) rolled her eyes at him after he introduced me,
• When he offered me a second shot of liquor (to my credit, I turned down #3 and #4)
• When he, now stoned and drunk, started ranting about those despicable Americans,
• When, as we left, one of the behemoths said something in Greek (which I didn’t understand) that made the others snicker and my “host” blush.

That’s when my hope died and the wait was over. The situation wasn’t going to get better, I didn’t dare let it get any worse, and it was past time to go. He kept talking along his no-longer-hidden agenda, but he was no match for my Overflow of No—

• No, thanks very much for dinner, but I really did have to go,
• No, I didn’t need to spend the night in his bed (!!),
• No, we couldn’t go back to the hotel to spend the night in my bed (!!!),

No. No. No. No.

Not Saying No Loudly (or Firmly) Enough

And if I had yelled NO! maybe one No would have been enough. But I was increasingly scared and my fallback was to be nice…

…if I was aggressive and pissed him off, what would he do? What would his pit bull do? What would he tell his pit bull to do? What about the rotten-toothed behemoths watching from just 100 feet away?

So I pasted on a smile and quickly tucked myself into my car, made sure all the doors were locked, and thanked all the gods—Greek and otherwise—that I was in one piece as I waved goodbye goodbye goodbye…

So.

My night out was a fiasco, but not a complete catastrophe.

I wish I could say the same about my first marriage, my last job, and other glaring No Moments I’ve encountered along the way. And my takeaways from these misadventures apply to every facet of running a business—

• Situations that start out all wrong don’t typically come out alright,
• Feel free to say No even when you’re concerned it will hurt, anger, or disappoint,
• Don’t be quick to say No, but don’t hesitate either, and
• Always, always, always trust your gut.

.

Et tu? Do you have tough time saying No when you need to? If you’re a Pro at No, got any tips for the rest of us?

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Photo credit: TheTruthAbout